Jokes about many subjects, I have an idea for a tv programme called Lonympics kind of people, based on the format of those programmes where a celebrity goes around a golf course playing golf, asking questions to another. Well in my idea, I walk around playing golf, making comments on good shots by an imaginary Socrates, and Leonardo Da Vinci, and of course Lloyd George. Answering what I Imagine to say, One time, the imaginary celebrity forgets to come, so I have to play with my brother, as ever, we play terribly, and take loads of shots, and start attacking eachother with the clubs. It could all be mixed together for my best of one, and in the end of the last, a half invisible Socrates appears, and takes a shot and wins,
A good money saving idea, for me in Britain, is to phone my friend in Australia, and as they are 10 or so hours ahead of us, he tells us the scores, of the football matches on in a few hours, we put on the bets, of what the score will be, and we get a shed load of money.
If Wales changed it's team kit to blue, it could be called the blue whales,
What about hovercrafts, but what about those cars that have Christian signs the fish on the back of them, I suppose seeing Jesus could walk on water they might have the same ability,
A man invited a man to see our main, road, and show on TV, how tough the traffic was, and how hard the road was to cross, sadly it was a thug who invited the interviewer, he shouted abuse at the man, from the other side of the road, saying hey come on, man, hey come on man, you wimp man, anyway the news show man, got angry, but was happy, to see a tractor appear, the man who invited him them ran away, as they chased him
One day we left Lonympicsland, and went to a big city in a neighbouring area. We asked directions to a local officer, he was very friendly giving exact directions smiling, away, then he said, interesting accent where are you from, we said Lonympicsland, He said, Lonympicsland, everybody hates Lonympicsland, and he got out his baseball bat, and smashed out car lights, he said, that is how bad the reputation of our spelling is,
Me and my brother were watching a programme, about Leonardo Da Vinci, it was about what a genius he is, but he also said a silly thing, about how men are controlled by their penises, M y brother said ironically, that Leonardo was a genius, ho ho
What about that episode of desert islands disk, in the 1960s or 1970s, where a non famous person was invited onto desert island disks, as he had the same name as a person who was supposed to be on, and they did not put the show out of him and his fave music, in a sense that was like one of those incredibly embarrassing moments where someone shouts hello to your name and you say hi and all that, and they did not want to talk to you, it was somebody else, except it was even worse as he had it all set out what he would do for desert island disks, and all that,
What about Stonehenge, some people say they were built by aliens, buy if aliens could fly all the way to Earth why would they do something that even 1990s people could do in hardly any time
I said, to my Dad, that the first thing me and my little brother would sell on Ebay would be the hairdryer he did not want as he got off a catalogue, then I said, the next would be my Mum's prised priceless Jewelry,
I went to the post office, and I, said, I would like budgies, post and packaging, they thought I said, something else, and I was upset wwhen a budgie dod not deliver my post
Who is the cleanest person, Gene, they say to him, Hi Gene, Hygiene,
I know a good way of making our soccer league the biggest, in the world, have 100 teams, who play 99 games a season
There are many pub names in Britain like the Beggars, anyhow, one day some farmers said lets go down to the Bull and have a drink, it was male cow, not a pub
I went to a pet store, and asked for a parrot, it kept on sayingt how much, how much, I asked the superstore man how much the parrot cost, he said 1000 pounds, for the rest of the day I was saying how much how much,
When the England team, played Macedonia, it could have been said with Steve Maclaren as manager it was mac v mac,
As well as the massacre of millions of human lives, and massive war another bad thing about a election of the BNP, would be this, normally you can say of the Tories are elected I am quitting the country, but if a nazi style party were elected, then surely they would ban all immigration, and also so all nmations would ban our emmigration to there, i.e Barbados, Barbados would ban all white people from there, so you would not be able to leave anyway, and if all of Britain breaks up, in the way they would force, by cracking down on Scottish and Welsh nationalism, we would not even be allowd to leave our home countries to visit anywhere,
I have something to tell you, I have never told anybody, I am Superman,
And the recent news is a big businessman, like Lex Luther is trying to take over the USA, wait a minute he already has, via the way politics is funded there,
I am not really Superman, I was joking
Whenever I speak to people from where I used to live always revert to that old accent, it also happens in every other accent I speak to, after a while people realise I am not from that area, and thats the end of that,
What is a good name for a female police officer, Nina Nina Nina A site on giant sloths giantsloths.htm
Why not have a jumper, that has a joke, alien that can jumop out of it,
People say Soul music comes from the south of america, but surely it comes from Korea's capital
Why would David Beckham, be a bad signing afor Celtic, because you are not allowed to do crosses at Ibrox, in an old firm match
A pizza the action,
What does a insulted bolt say to a axel that called him a nut, screw you,
Mr Lonympics, says that people are asking him to stand in the presidential election, yeah stand up and leave, as his hat is in the way of the tv,
No seriously they are, then to sit down, then to put his left leg in and his left leg out, do the hokey cokey and turn around,
People say that American comedians do not use irony as much as British ones, this means in Britain a comedian in Torquay would say, Hey it's good to be here in New York, I really like all the bagles, and look it's the Empire states building, While in New York, the comedians are more obersvational, so would say exactly the same thing,
What about when the Rugby League team Sale reach the Challenge Cup matches, when they are leaving their base at times they will enter places which have Sale on the windows, so the hom,e team will be very dejected
What about a game of chess on the football, squares, a game of chess it would be right round the ball,
A site saying some great jokes.
Jokesfreeforusebyrsmith.htm but I have some great jopkes below,
But some more jokes down the page
If you have any complaints please send a e-mail to the extra writer of this page Mr Hammaby
He writes allot of the sites, now, he will put up is e-mail address soon. for us.
Here is his email address
chammaby1979
followed by @yahoo.co.uk
If you would like to buy any of these jokes for 10 POUNDS please send him a email saying why and he will tell you how you can. ANd you will have absolute rights and we will take the joke off this page after the deal is made.
This scumbag was talking to this person, and said, hey mentally ill person, the person said, i am not mentally ill, the scumbag said, hey never said there was anything wrong with being mentally ill, then laughed snidely, then the decent person, said the scumbag ws mentally ill, and the scumbag wwent i'll get you i'll get you grrrr, anyway
I would never enter a competition to meet a famous person, as what if the day is spent with them saying what are you doing here
Also What a film, saterising British and US stereoptypes of eachoether exasbertaing them, for comedy effect
What if Tom Jones the singer, who sings the song fighting fire with fire, sung it as a writer was wrongly thinking when he saw a fire bucket that there was fire in it, not sand, so he is singing it as of that
So a American footballer did not win the Super Bowl he won the Soup Bowl, or played super crown green bowling super bowls,
What tribe from the Planet Gorgleplax like Crisps, the crisp eaters,
More jokes below this list of links to sites,
| More sites of ours Some Hilarious Jokes I remember If animals used dating agencies this is the sort of hilarious stuff they would say |
A link to the hilarious comedy
Measure site measures.htm
A link to the semi joke, semi seious horsesanddragons.htm
I was waiting at the bus stop, I was told the next bus will be a long, in a minute, I waited, 20, I was horrified, as the next driver said, yes the bus will not be long, only 2 minutes, aaaaaaghhhhhhh
Also here is my other joke, I banged my hand, against a wall, and my finger took 7 weeks to heal properly. I imagined that just imagine, I had been a mad lunatic, who went around insulting people, Anyway, there ia man on our street with half his middle finger missing from a accident, I imagined I had been one of these scumbags, that say, we don't want people like that here, of many groups of people, and just imagine I had gone up to him the week before like a scumbag and said, we don't want people like you here, you are putting the town's reputation down, and then just imagine, he then saw me with my finger, and I said, oh sorry, hahahahaha
I was seeing on TV, that a orangutan, had escaped in this area, from the zoo, everybody was looking around for the, to get the 1 million bucks rewards, I said to my brother they are so dumb looking around they will never find it ion an area this size, anyhow I looked to my right and there was a orangutan in between us nodding it's head.
I suppose Parental Guidance being put on viedoes, so people have to ask their parents if they can watch a video, is unfair on people who do not live with their parents,
I have a friend who does not care what he says to anybody as he is so confident like yesterday he said to a police officer, sahjsa sajhdsahd sajhash sad sa kjsdf ksdfjsdfj ksdjfsdjkfkjsd fsdk jksdfjksd jkfsdjkf jksd jfsdjkf jksd sdjkf jksdfjk sd f,
And in a job interview which he failed on he said, sadhsa sdsdh fsdjk fsdjhfsd sdjk fsdjkfsd sdjkf dfjkdf dfjkdf dfjkgdf jkgdf gdfjkg
Which team would be the best NFl team at eating chicken burgers, the New York Chicken Burgers, if they existed,
Here is a page of other jokes, but there are more jokes below
A site on the scottish league of the imagination
A site saying some ideas of how to improve yourself
improveyourself.htm
reword.htm Just imagine the US declaration of independanmce was written by a man who loves cakes, see here, I sometimes get a bit fat too.
Here is my campaign agaist lobster torture lobsters.htm I do not really stand oustide cafes, shouting free lobsters.
A hilarious account of how to make a huge newspaper collapse
Computer mouse pad - You can get yours here
A very small number of Jokes about Cottages
A Very long, hard to understand report.
Oregon Coast Cottages with Jokes
jokesagain2.htm More great jokes This really is our very very last joke page A List of some amazing things, what if these things had happened, just think how different the world would be A Great index of Comedy and joke sites, 100s of jokes, are 1 click away,
Which emotion do you want
Humour Music Food ? Horror Personal Development Laughter Art Magic History,
Advice to stray dogs, in a book by them always keep by people when dog catchers are about, walk beside somebody as if they are your owner.