Planet Jokes
I said, don't scratch my car, and my car like herbie said, don't scratch the driver as he has exma,
I was thinking how easy would it be to open a nightclub, not that I go to those sorts of places, then I heard a local one is owned by gangsters, so every time we drive past we make a joke in the car that we are going to bash the doors down, and make em have to close down, unless they let our one, do better, and give us protection money, making a satire on gangsters there,
Yesterday at work I sent in expenses forms for water bill, property bill, oxygen canisters, to do with first aid, and a food bill, that is all you need to live on
I phoned that love lost radio programme and said that a Guy owes me 20 p from 7 years ago can they say this on the radio
What about this, somebody says whatever happened to, and they say the name of a generic star who has not been on TV for a while, and they then are walking outside, and are beamed up by aliens, and the aliens say now we prepare to take over Earth and the en the seat turns round and who is there, but that star and he says yes as leader of the Klingons we will take over the world, I have been spying on you and have found all your weaknesses
I said I wanted a flat fish for my dinner, and I was brought a cod that had been steamrollered over,
I was talking to my flat mate, yeah a flat fish
Ideas for magic book, a Magic book, that says things like make a asteroid dissapear make yourself appear 2000 miles away etc but it does not explain how
I could not afford a porshe so I went into the room, by our front door, and drove my porche,
Our page could have a thistle with it so be the Oh A Thistle page of the internet
I was so unlucky the teddy dog bit me,
A rate driving a rat extermination van that would be bad,
There was a daffodil in my bucket, I said it was better than a leak,
A man said he had phoned the fire brigade so often for a joke, that is wrong and just to be condemmed that they would not even piss on his house now
A Giant rat driving a porshe, or a Guinea Pig, or the Yeti
A page called Planet of the idiots saying all the stupid things people have said, from clerverest to anybody
Which animal is the biggest know it all, a I Rhino Know
The best way to outfox people, in spot the dog, or where's waldo is to make waldo microscopic, and so unseeable,
I could lift Luke Skywalker in one hand, the toy one,
So Darth Vader could beat Luke Skywalker, by crushing the toy of him
I saw a plant moving about in the wind, and said it is waving
I saw a hole in a bridge and as cars went past it went dark then light I said it is winking
I was feeling a bit dizzy and sick, I looked at the internet and saw I had vertigo, even though I was sitting down,
Which Stickman would be a world renowned Pyschatrist, Stickman Freud,
I wonder if Sofa Shops make millions from all themoney they find before selling their sofas before selling them
I'm a right laugh a right laugh
Which vegetable is the most religous Lettuce, Let us pray,
I am a right laugh arent I
Which vegetable always gets posted through letter boxes, lettuces,
I had a dream where I bought a not even that good car and went loads of money in debt it was a financial nightmare it was a faster car but not great
I brought a larging pink oinking creature to my boss, to come up with some ideas, he said he was looking for the pig idea, oh Big Idea,
Why are Venison butchers so imaginative, as they have dear eyes, eye dears
I may have said this joke on another page, but none of the other jokes, about a Spy entering secret HQ head quarters reading the password allowed every time he beeps the buttons in,
Today I walked on a wheels on the chair chair to another room, I'm a real laugh, I'm a real laugh
A man was walking backwards in a sports match so your opponents do not know if he is coming or going
As a businessman I heard sacking all your workers can up proffits I sacked all so we went bust.
What about a Wolf in sheep's clothing is it always saying lets err not have this grass lets have some meat. In the end it says better a sheep for a life time than a wolf or lion for a day so lives as a sheep
What about a sheep in wolf's clothing it woul talk about wanting grass not meat
People are always saying British actors are chosen as the baddies in Hollywood movies, this is untue what about James Bond he is portrayed as a goody and loads are and loads of baddies in teh movies are not British and often American so it is untrue, that that is the total case, and sometimes British movies have American baddies and goodies too
I was watching a cheers compelation DVD I saw 3 cheers 3 cheers for me,
What is the rudest meal, Duck Tzu
I bought 30 glasses, I was supposed to buy 3D glasses
I went to the Insurance place, my name is Mr Lonympics I said, Mr Lonympics wants 3rd person insurance
He was talking about that Golden Takin that goat antelope, what is it taking about
A Magic trick where he makes himself dissapear not the person in the box, he gets it wrong
Or where a magician is who is the member of the audience selected and he fools him by making himself dissapear
What do you call a happy monster Loch Happy-ness Monster
Where you need to go, if you are interested in the Yeti
My sitcom on Tv they always said at the start this episode of the Mr Lonympics show, was filmed in front of a studio audience but nobnody laughed throughout the whole show
So the next time they had to say canned laughter has been added
Why not dress as 2 horses, from a theatre, show, to get free food at the animal sanctuary
I had my car checked I had to pay 20,000 pounds as the wiggly piggly was off kelter
We had a bunch of nobodies, everybody said who, The Who, Dr Who and Kerry Hui,
When I see the hair in my sink pipe, it is proof people are descended from gorilla style things
I was watching a show, and some talkative people said about the saying "empty vessels make the most noise" what is it supposed to mean, I said hey man exactly go figure case in point mannnnn. dumbo,
I was thinking of getting one of those racoon like creatures called a coati, but I remembered I might forget it when I go anywhere, as I would alsways be forgetting my coati
I forgot my credit card once then I found it in my pockey I went aaaaagaggh I am so funny ho ho I did nit in front of everybody it was so clever of me
What do you call a man from a coast Sandy Beech
What about in Time Team if the arcaheologists oooh whats this, and they lifted the stone and out came Zargor, the beast of Margar, and it said, I have been awoken to bring pain to the world, then they beat it back in, Lots of programmes do that idea, like Dr Who, but i feel Archaeology is not like that, it is more natural a brilliant dirt and nature thing, and pure,
So Our other joke, is Zargor the super computer who takes over the world,
When watching sad movies I like to pretend I have somthing in my eye it always works as a excuse
In a movie like naked gun the star at the start could get off the movie, and they say Victoria has ran away with Diego, and he says oh no oh no, and it ends up they are talking about a soap opera.
If you stare at some Magic Eye Pictures long enough you just fall over and see stars
If you watch some movies over and over again, you see new things, like I saw a cow in the distance in one James Bond movie when they were on a train
At dinner we used to say fill me up, I used to put the cup under the water for my dinner pal, then put it below my waist pretending I was doing the toilet in it it
Ok at meatballs, for dinner, I can say these really are the dogs bollocks,
Sometimes in my job I get prank calls, about 20 a day, what was that they are not prank calls, they are all the customers, ho ho so funny,
I phoned up a call centre about my card. The music went on, and I started singing, then they came back, and I kept on singing for the 20 minutes and it closed down for the night. They were saying excuse me Mr Lonympics, excuse me, How embaressing,
Just imagine a man stalking Sting, he is probably singing, while watching him through the window, every breathe I take, I will be watching you
Somebody said, I give up, as of their workload, and I then said, well that makes me the winner,
I saw a car on a back of a lorry for a while I thought it was like that thing where some Aztecs thought a man on a horse was a new species
I saw a pal who set up a car hire service called North Antartica Car Hire, he was under pressure so I set up one called Car Hire North Antarica he was so angry
I set up a chips and fish shop
A man was jailed for being found being sick and lying on the street, the media got the information wrong, and by the time he was let out there were 50 world musicians holding a concert for him to be freed,
I said to myself, I am like a brush I am such a artists, then I said to myself well clean that skirting board then
On the Apprentice, with Alan Sugar maybe his adviors are called Cecilia Pepper, and Nathantiel Salt
My joke about what age do you think this is, the age when people had feet powered cars, and dinosaur burgers, I have said it again,
I said I will just throw this idea at you, a sponge is a idea, in a way
What do you call a man who wants somebody's jelly sweet jelly-ous,
Who were the two most influential people ever, Mr Wheel, and Mr Sliced Bread,
In China they believe in Confucious, it's hard to understand what he believes, he confuses us,
If Hilary Clinton is elected President in 2008, of the USA, the record books will feel that the US has run out of names, then it may decide to say 2016-2022 Thingimy Bush, then Yogi Clinton, thyen Mickey Mouse Bush, then etc etc,
Somebody said, which part of NO do you do not understand, I said, Nnnnn,
What do you call a merger of Pete Sampras and Roger Federer that is fed up of always winning Wimbledon, Mr Fedupadopolus.
An example of jokes we thought of
Some hilarious joke ideas for newspapers
A link to the hilarious comedy
A Website for billionaires to read
Here is a page of less funny jokes,come back to this page if you don't like it, jokesmore.htm
Now some more really laugh out loud jokes, More Jokes we thought of
And more jokeslasters.htm
A site saying some ideas of how to improve yourself
The end of this great site here are some more jokes Jokesfurther.htm
jokesagain2.htm More great jokes jokesmore2.htm Even more jokes, there are some jokes sites not on this site, listed on our other jokes sites, that are listed on this site, we have 100s of great jokes in this network of websites.
And our last jokes page, of our many joke pages
Now some other people's jokes, better look at our other pages, And also some knock knock jokes we thought up
This page is our index page of all our joke pages, but there are some joke ideas on other pages