Great jokes I remember
In one episode of the Simpsons Homer Simpson, Homer decided he did not want to go to Ned Flanders barbecue, so he said, its not fair I can not go, when he was in his house. He did not want to go, so he could offend Flanders, Then he was angry when everybody else went and he said to himself, I hope I starve to death and then they'll be all be like boo hooh Homer's dead, and I'll be up in heavan laughing, oho ho it was so funny, of course suicide though is evil, as it makes your enemies happy, and your allies unhappy, but anyway, then he and the dog smelt the food, and both started going mad, and started floating towards the smell, so funny, very witty, And Ned said, oh hear you are Homer, or something then Homer just ate everything very fast,
Do you like a laugh, then why not buy some Joke products from this Joke Shop Company
A man invites a woman to see a Oscar Wilde Film and laughs at unfunny points, so as to impress her,
What does a insect sports team say, ear we go ear we go
I thought of this one, What would Arthur Conan Doyle's huge wind machine, that blew air at him say, I am a great big fan of yours.
And also why not have a TV programme which when the credits start put up names of famous producers, with tiny writing unseen, saying they as a matter of fact produced a totally different show,
Which writer would be a great Snooker player, Beatrix Potter,
In another episode of the Simpsons, Homer Simpson, and Mel Gibson made a movie, and Homer Simpson, was looking delighted at what he had made, and exited while everybody else looked horrified, it was hilarious,
In a episode of It will be allright on the night the baby tried to eat the microphone thinking it was a lollipop,
Right most of the jokes below are mine, unless otherwise stated,
Anyway I saw watching a episode of Seinfeld, and thought it interesting how Larry David, is in allot of them as a voice, I thought it was very interesting so much so, very interesting indeed I would say Partic u Larry Larry Interesting
What about a episode of one of those programmes where Gordon Ramsay comes along and cures a cafe, that is doing bad, he goes to one, and says this meat tastes like cardboard, and they say it is cardboard, and there are staff lying in beds, and he says why have you got these and, he says to sleep on, while the eggs, fry,
I dont give advice to people I never meet, some people when they hear some condition or something say, something like cranberry juice will help that, I bet they would in my case just happen to say I am allergic to cranberry juice, you ******,
I used to like pickled onion crisps, but they started peeling my tongue, so they were appealing a pealing in 2 senses,
Maybe we said this on a other site, loch ness monster shoes, loch ness monster steaks, claimed to be so, in Nessie side cafes,
A US presidential candidates Vice Presidential nomination, could start campaigning a couple of months before the election in a stars and stripes suit, and Abraham Lincoln hat, and when people say isn't this a bit mad, he could say I am Abraham Lincoln, I can do what I like, and the next time, claim to be Thomas Jefferson, As a brilliant Machiavellian way of ruining his President's campaign, and making him the fave for the party nomination next time, advice from a great political advisor, sadly for him, this act, stirs up jingoism, from the US public, and results in the president being elected for 16 years, changing the constitution to make that possible, ruining this VPs hopes, and ditching him half way through,
In Bilko the man Doberman acting as a stupid man, met the general and the general said he would be a great model, as he was acting as him, he said I cant place why but choose him
Steve Martin said he did phylosophy in University, which can not have been bad for him, as he has done well, not that everybody should do it, or not, but he said he learnt some things like the Pope is catholic, and bears do shit in the woods.
A woman asked my directions to the post office, I was feeling phlegmatic, so I coughed allot, and spat phlegm out, ho ho only joking
People say to me society is getting ruder, I say to these snobs, you can't say that, and they say f**k off it is you ***
What does a sheep say when a wolf is hunting it in the Jurassic era, wolfosaurus
I asked for some shortbread so they gave me a 2mm thick piece of bread
What football teams do railway men support, Lokomotiv Moscow, Inverurue Lokos, and Rail Madrid
I asked for chicken pie, at a cafe, the cafe owner then said, do not mind if somebody joins you, and a chicken came and helped eat the pie full of bird seed,
People say easy as pie, people have not realised what pie is after the expert attention of the greatest mathematicians and computers ever, so that is not easy
Only in football does a player go 10 games, without scoring, and still get scored a great striker, that happens loads of times, a so called best striker in the league goes 10 games without scoring, just imagine that happened in cricket or basketball, he has gone 20 games, without scoring
I hear Munster from Ireland won the European Rugby Cup in the 2000s, who next season the Adams Family,
You have to get up pretty early at times to outfox, me, 10:30 AM at times,
You can not pull the wool over my eyes, as I already wear some wool over them and a I wear a Mexican hat
When I cross county borders I say, I have nothing declare but my genius all the time
What about how Mitterand had metre in his name and was ruler of France
In our parts we do not have wheat farming we have cattle farming, yes the cattle do the farming, they come into the market and buy seed for their farm
The Oscars is a bit of waste these millionaires hardly need new acclaim,
People say it's natural, but what about farting, and all that they are all natural, but not essential,
What about all these oldest teams in Britain, of football, or rugby who did they play when they were founded,
What about this quote, The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. that would cheer Frank Spencer up, oh it may be true of course but its not for making a habit of,
I
was reading some positive quote things, they are useful but they were so contradicory
I suppose it shows different things for different situations at times, but nto
always or something,
Why not put faces on your grandfather clocks to raise value,
My idea for a rubbish variety show, show is to go on with an umbrella and dance around it in a mime way
Why not have a time machine sketch show
Why not have shoes at knee level, stuck to them so you can look like you are walking on water
I played tennis, badminton and squash yesterday, seven people sat on me, so I won the came by being squashed, most I went around asking people to sit on me,
A good way of stopping people copying movies before they get out, would be to make them so small you can only see them on huge screens,
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A site saying some ideas of how to improve yourself
A wise man is asked on who wants to be a millionaire, as the freind, and the presenter hears him looking through the books, it is a hilarious scene so he is chuecked off. if you would like to see a site by this guy go to jokeapedia.htm
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