April Fools Day Tricks, with some jokes at the bottom in black
Only do these to close people, you are unlikley to lose as of these jokes
People say saracasm is the easiest form of humour, so it would be a good one to use, to everything people say can you can retort oh realllllllly, thats so amazing,
Another
one could be to wear a shoe on your head, some people to any statement say it's
a man's thing, to ecuse any bad thing, you could say it's a man's thing,
In a movie if you watch in the morning you can put it on, and when that Dolby surround booom, advert goes on, or anything, the start the Columbia pictures style thing goes on, you can do a way that makes you look stunned and shocked by this,
Say no wonder the US lost the Vietnam war, with all those actors they were using,
Dress up as a woman, claiming to be trying to avoid the draft, some guerillas do this, and do all the housework, to make sure people still think they are women,
Say I say I cried at the end, of Back to the Future, 3, hey but back to the future always had happy ending, yeah I walked into a chair, and it hit my crutch,
Apply for the army, and pass all the tests but then reveal you have to wear duck feet bought from a fancy dress shop, and such, so they can not let you in,
Do you like a laugh, then why not buy some Joke products from this Joke Shop Company
What about a actor who goes with a urbane sophisticated lawer as method acting, to see what they are like, and makes sure he gets the person's voice right, he is with him for 2 months, then in the movie, he says, duhhh all the time, I am stupid, I am a idiot, booooohhhh, that would be a disgrace,
You could say, when joining the army and trying to become a general, I do not know the meaning of the word surrender, then when in the first act of yourself as general is to surrender your fort in your peacetime to the neighbouring funfair, on condition they stop all the noise, they say you said, you do not know the meaning of the word surrender, you say, oh oh yes that is what I did in millitary training school all the time,
Why not have a shop for aliens, if they really existed they could buy home alien products and you could make loads
I was seeing on my road tax form in Britain that if you do not drive your car on public roads, you do not have to pay road tax on them, does that mean some posh rich people in Whitehall were saying oh my pal lord HooHoo, should not have to pay tax ever, so we will make sure he does not have to on his estate,
Why not have a comedy quiz book, a normal one with all the answers at the back, except replace those pages, with different answers, then all the answers are wrong, a comedy quiz book,
Just imagine a day time tv show had some priceless jewelwery in their studio, in front of a live audience, and half way through while talking in the backgrond behind them you see a ninja abseiling down and lifting it up then going out the window, and nobody notices, then they look and see it has gone, but all t5he TV viewers see, down with jewel thieves though, I do not want to pretend they are good in what they do,
What about a really bad translation of a ancient Egyptian script, and it says things like, Me would like to give your wife a fish hat, I would be most endevoured to hand you a slipper, as it's by somebody who reads bad Egyptian,
Which football player would also be a top Scottish Independance hero Peleallace
I was seeing a TV programme and the man said that a business idea was mundane, I thought that was a rubbish critisicm, as who cares if it is mundane, that is like saying it is really Tuesday man, or really random word from dictionary
A relative of mine had to have a plate in his head, so all he needed was a knife and fork, and he was alright for lunch time
Whenever I go by aeroplane I always take a pig with me under my arm, as part of a joke, I always say to everybody who is passing hey hey pisg do fly, hey hey pigs do fly, No I do not really
Web cam has translated the noises of people listening to this into words, hahahahaha this is brilliant what a great joke that is great
What do stockmarket people, and lots of copy cats have in common, they deal in derivatives
I may have said this joke elsewhere, I said, of my investment in this bank i was critising, for its ways, even the pigs in animal far, said I was a sell out
Why not create website on somebody fanous to do with fish, then you can call it the o fishal website of him
Why do you always spin round and round after work, I am just unwinding
One time somebody came to where I work and asked for a calender they had been sent by our head office, I found one in a magazine I remembered and gave it to her, she then said, oh no it is not teh right size, and the silly lady looked as if I had not done well here. I then cleared up how stupid she was in my mind, by asking if we sent it her or the head office 200 miles away she said the head office, and she still looked as if I had done no good. In actual fact this was like somebody asking for a needle in a haystac and when I find it she says no not one like that
Why did the News put big ears on all the criminals, as they needed to pixie ate their faces, not pixilate
What about how people who pick up later are earning the same wage as everybody else, but if you drop litter you are fined 1000 pounds.
What do you call a person from Giza a Geyser,
We are just going to see some geyser in Yellowstone Park,
Which monster is the cheeriest The Happiness Monster,
If the Trojan horse had not worked, they could have tried the Trojan elephant, Just imagine they regifted it straight away to another city.
One time I said If I could manage anybody it would be the sports team I oppose most as of our rivlary and make them lose
The tallest building in Paris is the Eye Full tower, it is big and a eye full, so it would fill your eye's view,
A celebrity makes a big outlandish statement about a rival, and in a interview says I did not do it to get publicfity for my new album, they say taerfully, then their memo from their pocket, falls out which says it was a plot, its the way you tell them,
Why not placard Joseph an his many coloured coat, for it's blashemy, of portraying what surely is a religous story, (Editor's note it is not)
I said can you give me a lift, then I said, put me down,
A architect looked at a building in a wasteland, and said, this building is terrible it look like a alien space craft had landed, then a figure came out and lazrd beamed his car and it blew up,
A Company sends you are letter saying you could win this 10,000 pound car if you enter this competition all you need to do is send 10000 pounds
If Iraq had been led by a donkey then the carrot and stick approach could have used a carrot to make their former dictator give in and hand power to a democratic regime with no war
Back to the Future looks not much different from modern days,
O AD, on the 1st of January would be before Jesus's birth on 25th December 0AD,
Bored of saying Abbysinia when you say buy, what about Chocolate buy, instead of Chocolate Pie,
I can lift 2 horses in one hand, 2 tiny models of horses
Somebody in front of me said call me a taxi, to the hotel person, I said, call be a handsome genius,
What about these people who say, I expect my staff to do what I can, so I can show I am like them, so I clean the floors, and also toilets, what if he climbed to the top of a 200 Metre high statue that would be horrible so those employers are not as good as we couuld have thought or are,
Why do roes have good imagination, as they have eye dears dear eyes,
What about the police man, who tries to make friends in a place and says budge aside move along, to get some space on the chair, and every body then goes, as that is what they say move along to move people along,
P & O ferries, is a ferry company hopefully they do not just push a piano in the water and say get on that , pe & o peano piano
I went into a hotel, I said I like those daffodils, I really like them and ate them, ho ho no I did not,
Which plant is best for rock bands, a roadee dendron
I got a bogey at the golf, then sneezed, and got a seagull at the Golf as I miss hit it
Some teams are called the Ducks and some the bears, that is unfair, the Anaheim ducks would easily eat more bread than the Chicago Bears, and be able to go ice and water easier
I had a mot i needed to pay 20,000 pounds for the wiggly piggly,
St. Francis of Assisi talked to birds, maybe that is where the saying a little bird told me came from
When I have exma, I can say red all about it, down with exma, do not scratch when it just aides it and does no good,
I went to the dr as I had hammered a nail into my foot I said take the nail out and he took my toe nail out, no I made all that up
The Baseball
World Series just has US and Canadian teams, the National Hockey League, has 2
nations not just 1, and the North American Football League does not have Canadian
Teams actually it is called the National Football League, but that is almost the
case, so the 2 biggest leagues in America other than the basketball almost have
the wrong names, that is miss-observational humour,
I decided I wanted to not live in a house, but a flat now, So I bought a steamroller, and made it flat,
A Horse driving a horse transport lorry
People stand on busses, and horses on them
Some facts on April Fools Day The origin of this custom are complex and a matter of much debate. It is likely a relic of the once common festivities held on the vernal equinox, which began on the 25th of March, old New Year's Day, and ended on the 2nd of April. Though the 1st of April appears to have been observed as a general festival in Great Britain in antiquity, it was apparently not until the beginning of the 18th century that the making of April-fools was a common custom. In Scotland the custom was known as "hunting the gowk," i.e. the cuckoo, and April-fools were "April-gowks," the cuckoo being a term of contempt, as it is in many countries. One of the earliest connections of the day with fools is Chaucer's story the Nun's Priest's Tale (c.1400), which concerns two fools and takes place "thritty dayes and two" from the beginning of March, which is April 1. The significance of this is difficult to determine. Europe may have derived its April-fooling from the French. French and Dutch references from 1508 and 1539 respectively describe April Fools' Day jokes and the custom of making them on the first of April. France was one of the first nations to make January 1 officially New Year's Day (which was already celebrated by many), by decree of Charles IX. This was in 1564, even before the 1582 adoption of the Gregorian calendar (See Julian start of the year). Thus the New Year's gifts and visits of felicitation which had been the feature of the 1st of April became associated with the first day of January, and those who disliked or did not hear about the change were fair game for those wits who amused themselves by sending mock presents and paying calls of pretended ceremony on the 1st of April. In France the person fooled is known as poisson d'avril. This has been explained as arising from the fact that in April the sun quits the zodiacal sign of the fish. The French traditionally celebrated this holiday by placing dead fish on the backs of friends. Today the fish has been replaced with paper cut-out. The Dutch celebrate the 1st of April for other reasons. In 1572, the Netherlands were ruled by Spain's King Philip II. Roaming the region were Dutch rebels who called themselves Geuzen, after the French "gueux," meaning beggars. On April 1, 1572, the Geuzen seized the small coastal town of Den Briel. This event was also the start of the general civil rising against the Spanish in other cities in the Netherlands. The Duke of Alba, commander of the Spanish army could not prevent the uprising. Bril is the Dutch word for glasses, so on April 1, 1572, "Alba lost his glasses." The Dutch commemorate this with humor on the first of April. Well-known hoaxes Alabama
Changes the Value of Pi: The April 1998 newsletter of New Mexicans for Science
and Reason contained an article written by physicist Mark Boslough claiming that
the Alabama Legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant
pi to the "Biblical value" of 3.0. This claim originally appeared as
a news story in the 1961 science fiction novel Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert
A. Heinlein. |
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